I'm worried
I'm anxious about my future and my life. I don't know what I want to do and I am running out of time to decide. Where do I go to school? What do I study? What do I major in? I want to be a missionary. I want to teach kids about Jesus. I want to be a photographer. I would enjoy some sort of counseling job. I am behind on college placing tests and I'm not on level with other kids. I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't have a job, I am NOT a successful AP student.
I just can't breathe. I feel like thinking is sucking air out of my lungs.
Then I remember that Christ says not to be anxious about anything but to pray and trust him. I feel guilty for still being overwhelmed with unknown feelings
If only he could help me make plans.
I don't have plans for my schooling, my future, my life. I can't even make plans for my future dwelling because everything's up in the air. My future is just up in the air. And my living situation.. I can't be sure of anything. I just don't know. I have no plans I'm not sure of anything. I want to go do things and I can't, I'm stuck here. In America. After traveling to Ecuador. I hate it here. I feel like if I could just make a plan I'd be okay.
Then I remember Peter. Peter had his own plans, he got upset with the guards and cut someone's ear off. Jesus told Peter to put down his sword. In the same way, I'm supposed to put away my plans. Because God has a perfect plan, and he commands is to follow it. I feel ashamed that I am still having trouble dealing with it.
I'm just struggling. I just am so confused. I wanna do something, accomplish something, be something, do something. I'm tired of just sitting, existing. I want to live.
I just wanna live, breathe, and share my Jesus. But I'm only 17 and I don't know where to begin. I just don't know anything.
*exhale*
Don't feel guilty about making your own plans, that's all I've been doing since I don't know what He has planned for me. It's tough to completely trust His plan with the pressures of our world in our time, especially if we don't know what that plan is. Just rest easy knowing that you still have time and that you already have an idea as to the direction you want to go: missionary work. You're clearly passionate about it, so follow that passion.
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