Mass Confusion

Sorry, no pictures this time. for two reasons;
1) a stranger has my memory card,
2) I barely even have time to write this.




I'm having so much trouble balancing life right now. With History notes every night, and some sort of other homework, bible study Tuesdays before and after school, Church Wednesday nights, And church and band on Sundays. I have been staying up so late i barely have time to shower (which is disgusting !) and chores are hardly getting done, and because of all of that i haven't actually hung out with friends in a while. because between band and youth I am Doing homework, and I have to leave as soon as we finish church to get home in order to finish notes before i get too tired to finish. this weekend, i decided to actually hang out with friends. On Friday after school, I talked with a friend for a while at the college, then went home and slept. Saturday I went to the park and did a charity walk for cystic fibrosis, came home, did some homework, then met my friends at the mall, and we walked around market street, before coming back to my house, making Oreo balls and watching a movie. This morning we woke up before dawn to set up a surprise breakfast picnic down by the lake to enjoy the sunrise and worship God. then it was church, then band. and then i came home. I will admit, i wasted a bit of time lying on the floor not wanting to move, but for the most part, I've been doing homework since then. When I went downstairs to eat, I got in trouble for not doing my chores...I told her that i'll do them before bed even if it means staying up till midnight because i have to finish my homework first. Its gonna be a long night...and I didn't want to make things worse, so i didn't tell her i have my last English TAKS test tomorrow.

"we were given: two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, and two ears to listen. but why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else, for us to find."

I'm 17 and have never had a boyfriend,
I've never kissed,
I've never been on a date
I've never even held hands with a guy..and now...
Recently A boy has expressed interest in me and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid to get into a relationship...because here's my experience with boys so far:

• My dad: left when I Was 4, haven't heard a word from him since I was 8. 
• My step-dad...eh.. maybe another time
• A random guy started following me around and asked me to a dance after two days, and when he tried to argue about religion, but i refused to do anything less than hold a respectful, civilized discussion,  i was no longer good enough for him.
• a guy asked me to homecoming, i couldn't say no, then afterward, never said a word to me and had a girlfriend a month later
• i was talking to a guy, he loved Jesus and the sweetest personality and seemed interested, we talked every day, for months, then one day he told me about how he just started dating his best friend, since we'd been talking...

I have found that most guys don't really care. and I don't want to give up any of my chastity for something that wont last. I don't know what gonna happen next, but i'm cautious, and wont let myself get caught up too soon, I don't want to fall again. plus, I'm not quite sure why anyone would be interested in a relationship with me.. I'm scarred,scared,  awkward, serious, I complain a lot, I cant hold conversation, and I don't like being touched... I don't know what to do..

P.S. No matter what she says, EVERY girl wants to be saved

I'm just gonna take off running. Running as hard and as fast as I can towards Christ. And when I'm at a constant steady pace, I will look to my left and right and the one who is running right along with me, god has put there for a reason.